Harry Potter and the Cauldron of Giggles
by Levenbreech Vor
Summary: How will Harry Potter and his band of angsty teens be able to overcome their romantic conflicts in order to fight a cliché villain? Sounds like every Harry Potter Book doesn't it? Find out in...Harry Potter and the Cauldron of Giggles!
1. Chapter 1

**DUNE**

_DISCLAIMER – Harry Potter is, the property of J. K. Rowling (not me thank god!). Therefore I'm not responsible for anything I say!_

_NOTE – I am incredibly well read and enjoy books from all genres. However, upon reading Harry Potter I was extremely disappointed. With all the hype it received I expected something more. The characters were undeveloped, the plot weak and cookie cutter, the writing style was childish and uninspired, and in general I thought the books were enormously overrated. Now I'm not one to say that just because it's not "Great Expectations" its not a good book (well maybe I am…). For I thought Harry Potter was amusing and a nice, quick read. But what upsets me is that a nice, quick read is the best selling book in history! This fan fiction is not a **fan **fiction but **detractor** fiction, hopefully after reading this you will see the light._

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Harry Potter was looking at himself in full Hogwarts attire in his wizgambozzieusmzapisraie mirror, when Snowy began to crow, then stopped suddenly. 

"What's the matter Snowy, cat got your tongue." He said as he laughed at his own unfunny joke.

He glanced at his watchismgaz and realized that it was almost morning. "Dang", Harry thought, "I'm supposed to be at 9 and 3/4 by noon and I'm not even packed." He began to scramble around throwing things this way and that. Naturally, he came upon some current event that will eventually shape this story and create what little plot there is.

"Harry!" Cried an abnormally large blob of flesh, "Come down immediately!"

Harry flounced down the stairs in his Hogwarts robe, concealing his wand within. Just as he reached the bottom of the staircase his Uncle made a clumsy swipe at Harry. Harry, of course, foolishly tried to make a skillful dodge by jumping off of the stairs and over a glass coffee table. This didn't work.

The glass table shattered sending shards everywhere. All of the Durley's dived for cover behind a nearby sofa while Harry fled out the front door onto the street. By this time dawn was breaking and Harry began to walk toward his neighbor's house, which was a non-muggle. Harry, being a rash, hotheaded teenager, barged through his neighbor's door, grabbed some floo powder and rushed into the fireplace before the owner of this fireplace could stop him.

"Ron's house!" Harry yelled in his stuck up arrogant type of way.

_

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There's the prologue to my Harry Potter story. Please review and let me know what you think. Also every chapter is going to have a seemingly random title, who ever can guess what the relationship between these headings and the Harry Potter books is will get a prize._

_-Levenbreech Vor_


	2. Chapter 2

**Foundation**

_DISCLAIMER – Harry Potter is, the property of J. K. Rowling and several publishing companies (not me thank god!). This story represents my opinions and not the beliefs of the owners. Therefore I'm not responsible for anything I say!_

_NOTE – Harry Potter is incredibly overrated. This fan fiction is not a **fan **fiction but **detractor** fiction, hopefully after reading this you will see the light._

Mrs. Weasley glanced at the clock on the wall just as Harry's hand switched to traveling.

"I wonder where that idiotic kid could be traveling t­–"

Suddenly, in a puff of green smoke, Harry tumbled out of the Weasley fireplace. "Hello Mrs. Weasley…Not quite the red carpet reception I expected for someone of my importance but…" He said in a condescending way as he viewed the Weasley's nice but poorly decorated hovel.

"Oh, Harry dear come eat and be merry" Mrs. Weasley said through clenched teeth. How she hated this brat who always was barging into her home and stealing all of Ron's glory. And to add to the injustice she always had to pretend to be hospitable because Harry's fame rubbed off well upon her husband's job. She turned from the sink and handed Harry a steaming hot bowl of soup. "If only I hade the willpower to poison his soup, if only…" She thought.

As Harry was employing his atrocious table manners, Ron and Hermione rushed down the stairs, racing to see what the commotion was. As they came to the end of the staircase Hermione let out a scream that Harry took as a girlish yell of delight, however, Hermione was very upset. She thought that after last year's fiasco Harry would leave her alone.

"Helloooo, Hermione" Said Harry in a sleazy way.

She wanted to say, "Get the heck away from me you cocky loser" but what came out was "Harry, its so nice to see you. I can't wait for Hogwarts."

"Neither can I Hermione, neither can I."

Meanwhile both were ignoring Ron who was dressed in one of his typical hand-me-down pieces of trash.

While Harry attempted to seduce Hermione, Mr. Weasley came through the door dripping water all over the floor.

"What a day at work!" Mr. Weasley yelled in his typical obnoxious way, "I just got moved to the 'Useless Department of Obscure and Pointless Objects' less then a week ago and already everyone in the ministry is trying to steal this important role away from me!"

"If it's so important–how come you make so little." Harry tactlessly said. Mr. Weasley ignored Harry's snide comment and kept up his constant drabble about work.

_Please review and let me know what you think. Also every chapter is going to have a seemingly random title, who ever can guess what the relationship between these headings and the Harry Potter books is will get a prize._

_-Levenbreech Vor_


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